1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
Psalm 40:1-4

With my voice I cry to the Lord; with my voice I make supplication to the Lord.

Have you ever lost your voice?

I have.

Three, actually almost four years ago now, an outpatient surgical procedure I was undergoing went awry. I asphyxiated on the table. After the doctor and nurses revived me on the operating table and I woke up, even though I did not know what had happened, I did know that I had the worst sore throat you can imagine. The process of bringing me back to life involved the serious jamming of things down my throat and my vocal chords -- well, they must have been in the way. We each have two and one of mine suffered permanent damage in the process of being restored to life, I would later find out. While I was grateful to be alive, I could not speak at all for several months until my voice began to regain strength and finally one day I could muster a whisper.

When you have lost your voice, you come to understand just how valuable it is. You no longer take it for granted. I lost my voice for almost a year. Once powerful, it came back. But it came back weaker. Not coincidentally -- since I now know how much I appreciate what it means to have a voice -- I do not use it in the same way I used it before. Now I reserve the use of my voice mainly to cry to the Lord and to ask him for help, as Psalms 142:1 says. Ironically, when my voice was strong and virile, it was basically a slave to an unbridled tongue that fluttered and flailed, the whim of a misguided heart that beat passionately for itself. Now, I submit myself to the Lord every minute of every day and He transforms my heart. I realize am weak; I know that I am weak. And every time I speak I am reminded just how weak I am. Without God, I now know I have nothing. Without God, I know that there is nothing. This is what I know now literally every time I go to speak. Losing my voice was a blessing from the Lord. Using my restored voice the way God intended for me to use it blesses God.

Even though God likes me to use my voice to be thankful and grateful to Him, God is real. He is not in denial. He is not Polly-Annish. God wants you to tell Him like it is -- the way you see it. God can, and will, listen to and handle your complaints. The key here is for us to be real. We need to listen to what we are saying, and to be honest with ourselves. And, be honest with God. By talking frankly and honestly with God, God will reveal to us what is going in our hearts. He already knows what is going in our hearts. But because the heart is so deceptive, we do not know. We are often the last person to know what is going on in our hearts.

In my experience, life can be very difficult at times. These difficult times in our lives are made radically more difficult when we refuse to see things from God's vantage point and with hard heads, stiff necks and chronically hardening hearts.

"O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." ~ Psalm 139:19-24

This is a tough one. Have you ever been hurt by another person before? Betrayed, slandered, mistreated, abused, or violated? Have you ever witnessed injustice, cruelty or prejudice? Have you ever been a victim of circumstance or persecution? Of course you have, you're human! We all have. We live in a fallen world, overcome by sin, and we've all experienced, and caused, by the way, pain.

As Christians we are admonished to forgive. "Forgive, forgive, forgive!" Jesus said we are to forgive a person who hurts us seventy times seven, meaning as often as we are hurt or offended. We are to forgive if we want to be forgiven.

Forgiveness isn't natural. It isn't what we want. What we want is payback, vengeance, justice. We are humans, and we have human emotions and desires. When I read the above verses, I love the raw honesty of the Psalmist. He is being real with his emotions, strong and passionate as they are, as he cries out to God for intervention.

No, forgiveness isn't natural. But it is necessary. It is necessary for our own sakes. When we hold onto the offenses that are done to us, we become steeped in anger, and that anger turns to bitterness, animosity, hostility and hate. And those emotions are destructive, not to the person who hurt or offended us, but to ourselves.

If we choose to forgive our enemies, we free ourselves from an ugly and dark self-imposed prison and we free God to act on our behalf. He will vindicate us. God is the judge, and He's got our backs! It says in Romans 12:19, "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."

Offering forgiveness doesn't simply mean the offender is getting off without penalty though. Simply put, actions have consequences. One way or another. Forgiveness can be instantaneous, but I think (in my case anyway) that's more the exception than the rule. We have very real and strong emotions that we experience when we are harmed. That's natural. And we often have to allow ourselves to experience them before we are able to choose to let go, heal and forgive.

When we make that choice, it doesn't make necessarily make all of our feelings go away, but rather it allows God to come in and begin to do His work in helping us to heal. His healing further allows us to let go and move forward. It is then that we are able to follow His lead and live the life He desires for us to have.

And it is only after that, after we've allowed God to show us the dark places in our hearts and heal us, that we are truly able to follow His path, ascend His hill and stand in His holy place.

"Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? Or who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation." ~ Psalm 24:3-5

Lauryn Abbott is a wife and mother, with a passion for writing and a zest for life. Her writing has always been a private passion, but recently the Lord has been urging her to make it public. More of her writing can be found on her Seed Thoughts blog at:

http://takeck.blogspot.com

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